In one week it will all be over. Or should I say, it will all begin? On Feb. 4th, I will be induced (unless of course little Jack decides to make his grand entrance before then). During the last week or so, I have been doing a lot of thinking and staring into space and waiting... It's a weird feeling, waiting for labor to start. My body is about to go through a huge ordeal, and I have no control over when it will happen. I like to mentally prepare for things like that - to know what exactly is going to happen and when and how. I've never done this before, so I really don't know what to expect. And at this point, it could start anytime. What if I'm not ready? I just keep telling myself that women do this every day. If they can, I can. And I've put it in God's hands. I know He'll be faithful to take care of me and Jack. I'm not worried that something will go wrong - just nervous about the process and the recovery. Thank goodness they have good drugs. :) Still, mostly I think about seeing and holding my new little baby for the first time, bringing him home, and smelling his sweet little head.
Being pregnant has been an experience. Mostly good. I have had my fair share of rough days, but overall it has really been good. I have completely forgotten what normal feels like, and I now realize how thin I actually was before I got pregnant, though at the time I was convinced that I had at least 10 lbs. to lose. One day I decided to compare a belly picture from the first few weeks to one from the last few...probably not the best idea, but at least I have something to aspire to when it's time to get back in shape! I never really minded the enormous belly - it was the spreading and swelling of other areas that has bothered me the most. And the scale. Oh my goodness. All I could think is that only boys should weigh this much! The belly has been an experience in itself. The last time it was actually round in shape was way back sometime in the 2nd trimester. Since then, it has been completely lopsided and dare I say deformed with little feet and head and butt protruding all over. Even my Dr. and her nurses chuckle when they see it.
My husband has been through it as well. While I still maintain that I have been a pretty reasonable, laid back pregnant woman with very few mood swings and emotional fits, he's still grateful we're in the home stretch. He has literally waited on me hand and foot (even putting on my socks and tennis shoes for a walk when I couldn't bend as easily to do it myself.) He has dealt with it in his own way, which usually involves a lot of relentless teasing - I mean, should any man ever dare refer to his pregnant wife as the Hindenburg? Like I said, I think I have been pretty reasonable. Of course it's all in good fun, and I'm tough - I can take it. Maybe even laugh at times... He would never purposely hurt my feelings. He still laughs about one day recently when we were walking to childbirth class. I was having a contraction, and he started to comment, "Oh, come on, it can't be that ba.." Before he could finish the word, I backhanded him right in the stomach and said, "How does that feel?" Like I said, I can hold my own. :)
Friday after my Dr. appointment, I went down to finish signing all the hospital papers for my stay. I had to sign a release for care for myself as well as for Jack. The lady pointed at his copy and said, "Sign here, and write in "parent" next to your name." Whoa. There it was. In writing. I had this overwhelming sense that this was my first official act of caring for Jack - as his mom. I must admit, I was quite overwhelmed for a moment.
I know that part of me will actually miss being pregnant. It will be so strange for my belly to be empty again! And I know that what I will miss the most is feeling him move. I only have one more week to completely protect and shelter him from the world out here. Bret and I have vowed to each other to raise a very smart and very tough little boy. Who knows what the world will be like when he is grown? And if he's going to be president someday, he needs to be prepared. :)